The Geek, The Gube, and The Basement
by TwiBoy
Summary: Alice is hosting a Criminal Minds marathon, and Jasper's a little flustered when he learns that his crush will be attending. Awkward, slashy fun ensues. Written for Yogagal's birthday. AH/OOC


**Disclaimer: Mrs. Meyer owns the Twilight Saga, all Twilight characters and related references. I don't own a damn thing. **

**A/N I wrote this ditty as a birthday present for my wifey, Yogagal not too long ago. It wasn't originally my intention to post it to my profile (since it's unbetad and, well, I was plastered when I wrote it *grins sheepishly*), but since I've gotten many a message from readers telling me that my last couple of stories completely depleted their Kleenex supplies, I thought I would get my wifey's blessing and post this to prove that I'm not emo _all_ the time.**

**Warning: This piece includes some elements that are out of character for me *coughs*wackytabackyusage*coughs* that have been included since, well, my wifey is a fan and I aim to please. If you are not a fan, said elements are not all that hard to skim over, and I urge you to do so. Last but not least, this story is rated M for a reason: it includes, sexual situations, strong language, and *points up* yeah, that.**

**O.o**

"Wait, wait wait! Did you just say you invited Edward?"

My sister just dropped not one, but two bombshells on me in one hyper-extended, caffeine and sugar enhanced breath. Apparently, due to what just arrived in the mail, she planned to host a semi-sizable get-together at our house. Said get-together just so happened to include Edward Cullen on the guest list.

"I just got Season Four of Criminal Minds on DVD and I'm gonna have some friends over for a marathon and we're gonna have pizza and snacks and Yorkie's coming, too so you know what _he__'_s bringing and Rose, Emmett, Bella, Peter, Mike, Jessica, and Tyler's coming, oh yeah, and Edward and it's gonna be totally fun, you've _gotta _be here so what do you say?"

I was not really what you would call a social creature. Well, being an avid World of Warcraft player may have made me a somewhat social creature, but not what one would've considered "the norm". I preferred, for the most part, to keep to myself. Aside from WoW, I was more inclined to enjoy the company of a good Tolkein novel than to hang out with folks at some Criminal Minds marathon party.

What concerned me about this whole thing was the fact that Alice invited Edward, knowing full well that I had a thing for him. Of course, saying that I had a thing for him was putting it mildly since she routinely had to pick my jaw up off the floor whenever he was around. However, I could not ignore the fact that several hours of nearly non-stop Doc Spenser piqued my interest considerably and I was hard pressed – excuse the pun – to pass that up, regardless of how easily I might embarrass myself.

"So what if I invited Edward?"

_Oh my fucking Christ, did she just take a breath?_

"You and Peter are the only ones who know I'm gay. If the object of my lust shows up to this shindig of yours, and I'm stuck in a room with him for several hours, a whole more than just the two of you are gonna be in on my little secret." _How did she not see this?_

So what did she do? She just gave me a smile and patted my shoulder as she flitted out of the room.

**O.o**

The evening of Alice's wanna be soiree was upon us and I had been seriously contemplating feigning sleep when she came to my room to fetch me. I was not successful.

"Don't even try that with me, we've got a full season of The Gube to watch and you can't tell me that you would rather sleep than get in on that action, so come on!"

She was a tiny force to be reckoned with when she wanted something bad enough, so it shouldn't have surprised me that she had no trouble pulling my lanky ass out of bed.

I wore a t-shirt and basketball shorts. Not that I played basketball, but they were fucking comfy. Glancing at my t-shirt, Alice raised an eyebrow and asked, "Seriously?"

My black shirt had six simple words written across it: The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth.

_What of it?_

Shaking her head, she pulled me along, her stilettos clacking a contrasting beat to the trudging of my bare feet across the hardwood floor until we made it to the basement. The basement was home to my parents' ostentatious home-theater set up: a huge ass flat screen, big enough to see The Gube's goobers if he tilted his head the right way; surround sound speakers…_everywhere_; stereo equipment… In a nut shell, it was pretty insane. So, of course, everyone and their neighbor's mama wanted to come over whenever possible.

The crowd had already begun to cause a ruckus and I'm pretty sure I heard something shatter as I descended the staircase. I rolled my eyes, wondering to myself how Alice was gonna explain _that_ one to our parents when they came back from out of town.

The sweet, spicy smell of pizza sauce drifted to my nose and my mouth began to water. Reaching the bottom of the flight of stairs, I noted that everyone from Alice's haphazard guest list was in attendance. If my mouth had begun to water at the scent of pizza sauce, I was damn near close to drooling while watching Edward dangle a piece of pizza above his head as he took tiny nibbles off the end and chuckled at something Yorkie said.

How that boy could manage to make eating pizza while laughing at a joke erotic was beyond me. And god damn it if he didn't pull it off swimmingly, because one part of me in particular stood up and took notice. Thinking quickly, I hid my predicament behind an open box of pizza at the other end of the card table, which had become home to such delicacies as pizza, tortilla chips, Rotel dip, and large quantities of salsa and guacamole. It didn't appear as if anyone noticed my problem. When Edward turned to look at me with that crooked smile of his and his eyes gave me a quick once-over, I had to wonder if he could fucking read my mind and maybe somehow knew how his presence tortured me.

It's not like I was in love with the guy; I was just incredibly and unhealthily ass-over-teakettle in ardent lust with him. He happened to occupy many a vividly erotic fantasy of mine. The kind of fantasy that threatened to give me an acute case of carpal tunnel and make me go blind before the age of twenty-five. The sharp angle of his jaw had what appeared to be a permanent dusting of scruff that I imagined would tickle the hell out of my inner thighs should his head happen to be in the vicinity. His eyes were the color of fresh-cut grass and I imagined they would be the rich jade of Christmas evergreens when he was aroused. His lips a sweet rose tone that I imagined would be a succulent cherry red, moist from his tongue when he was on the brink of an orgasm.

His eyes darted quickly to the floor as his licked his lips and turned to grab a can of coke. If he _could_ read my mind, I just gave him a bit to digest.

I chuckled at the thought, before swiping a slice of veggie supreme pizza and a bottle of water before crossing the basement to an over-sized beanbag chair in the back corner. I could catch all the action on screen from this position but still have my privacy and comfortably entertain impure thoughts of Edward should the need strike.

When Alice announced that she was putting the first disk in, she flipped off the lights and everyone gravitated towards the sectional sofa in front of the big screen, save for Yorkie and Jessica who unceremoniously plopped onto a futon mattress not quite ten feet in front of me. After some rustling around between them, and the distinct sound of a Bic lighter igniting, it became obvious that they were rolling a couple of joints. When the heady, pungent aroma of hannibus made its way into my nostrils, my suspicions were confirmed. The joints began to make their way around the group, avoiding me completely, which is just how I liked it. I wasn't a pot fan. In this particular group, though, I was very much in the minority.

Halfway through the first episode, it became easier to ignore everyone else in the room and focus on the show. I had to laugh a the fact that It was quite clear I wasn't the only Gube fan in the room, as every girl in attendance practically sighed whenever he made an onscreen appearance. And really, I couldn't blame them. The guy had a definite swoon-like quality about him.

Speaking of swoon-like qualities, Edward got up from the sofa to stretch and made his way to the card table, grabbing a can of coke before spotting me in the corner. After squinting, most likely letting his eyes grow accustomed to the contrasting darkness of the basement, he stode over to where I sat on the beanbag chair. Setting his can of coke next to the beanbag chair, he muttered "scoot over?". Naturally, I did it without question before he sank into the pleather piece of 70's relic that had become my lazy perch.

"Why are you sitting all the way back here, Jasper? Not a Criminal Minds fan?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Matching his tone, I answered, "No, it's a great show. I'm just not much of a mingler." I wanted to say that I didn't want everyone to know that he played my body like a fiddle without even being aware of it, and I wasn't ready to let everyone in on that bit of news. As it was, having him in such close proximity made it insanely difficult to hide that fact from him. Needless to say, I was thrilled that the lights were off.

"I love this show. I'm a huge fan of police procedural dramas, though I enjoy this one in particular because Dr. Reid fascinates me. He's fucking brilliant."

I nodded, taking a swig of my water. It was all I could do to say that I was a fan of him as well, and not just because his character was brilliant.

"And not to mention that mouth, God damn," he whispered.

_Mouth?_

As I turned to him and raised an eyebrow, he pointed at the screen. "Just _look_at it! It's hypnotizing, the way it just consumes the bottom half of his face when he smiles. I just _love_ that shit."

_Oh. My. God. He's attracted to The Gube!_

"Of course, if he were blond, I would be more than just hypnotized watching him," he whispered, casting a quick glance at me out of the corner of his eye.

_No. Fucking. Way. Nofucking_way_!_

I was stunned into silence and found myself shivering; from a temperature drop or a sudden case of nerves, I wasn't sure.

"You cold?" he asked. Without waiting for an answer, he hopped up off the beanbag chair and grabbed a throw-blanket off the back of the sectional sofa, brining it back to our perch. Sitting back down, he draped it across the both of us. "Better?" he asked.

I could do nothing more than nod. I was also powerless to take my eyes off him, looking for a sign that he was just fucking with me. There was no sign from him one way or the other. His eyes were trained on the screen, the corner of his mouth quirking every once in a while, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly every time he swallowed. Talk about being hypnotized. When I was about to give up and attempt to focus my attention on the show, Edward's eyes lit up and he threw the blanket off him.

"Hey, wanna pass that shit, Yorkie?" he asked, crawling on all fours to the futon mattress in front of us.

_Was he doing that on purpose? Fuck me._

Sitting up to lean back on his heels, Edward took the joint. I had to suppress a groan as I watched the pursing of his lips and the slight hollowing of his cheeks as he inhaled. He held the smoke inside his lungs as he returned the joint to Yorkie and after a few moments, released the breath with a contented sigh.

Crawling back over to me, he asks, "Are you still cold?"

Transfixed by the sight of him on his hands and knees before me, I shook my head. All of sudden, I was burning up, the sight of his impish grin made my palms sweat.

Edward pulled the blanket off of me right before angling his body to lie on his back with his head in my fucking lap. Of course, my body began to react with humiliating immediacy.

"Um, Edward...you might want to—"

"Don't you normally wear glasses?" he asked, eyebrows knitting together.

"Excuse me?" Surely he could feel my arousal pressing in to the back of his head now, but he was concerned with the fact that I wasn't wearing my glasses?

"Glasses. You're not wearing them, why? They look fucking cute on you," he said, absently licking his lips.

I looked up, certain that the rest of the group was ogling our exchange, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that they were, for the most part, paying attention to the show. All except for Jessica who appeared to have her hand down Yorkie's pants, although it was kind of hard to tell from this angle.

Bringing my attention back to Edward, I said, "You're confusing me Edward. I thought you were into girls."

With a lazy grin spreading across his face, he replied, "I am. That doesn't mean the occasional guy doesn't catch my eye, though. I like to keep my options open." He followed his statement with a wink before sliding his hand over my shirt up my body.

I jerked at his touch and nearly had a seizure when he pushed up the hem of my t-shirt and brushed his lips against the skin below my navel. Biting my bottom lip, I barely smothered the moan that threatened to spill past my lips. Edward fucking giggled before letting his tongue slip out to flutter against my flesh as his hand slipped beneath my t-shirt, sliding back up my body to let his fingers fan out against one of my over-sensitive nipples. The arch of my back and buck of my hips was involuntary as he brushed the tight bud with his fingertips.

The contact was all too brief as he shot up off my lap to grab the previously discarded blanket. Sitting back down on the beanbag chair next to me, he leaned over and whispered in my ear "Come here," before tugging on my arm to pull me into his lap, facing the TV. I was already dizzy from what he had been doing to me with his head in my lap, so I gave no resistance as he positioned me in his lap and covered us both with the blanket.

Brushing a scruffy cheek against my neck, he whispered, "I want you, can you tell?" My breath caught as I felt him, hard and straining, pressing into my ass. Instinctively, I pressed myself into him, earning a hiss from his mouth against my ear.

"Can you keep quiet?" he whispered, his breaths increasing in tempo as I felt the pounding of his heart against my back.

Even though I wasn't confident in my ability to do so, I nodded just before his hand slipped past the waistband of both my shorts and boxers. I came dangerously close to making a liar out of myself right away as my back arched and I nearly slid out of his lap. Wrapping his hand around my erection, he squeezed gently before groaning, "Is this for me, Jazz?"

"Yes," I whimpered.

"Shhhh," he hushed before beginning slow, languid strokes. Matching his rhythm, I began to grind my hips into Edward's lap.

"Fuck, that feels good," he breathed in my ear.

Reaching my arm behind me, I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck as he pressed a kiss into my shoulder and picked up the pace of his hand. I alternately bucked my hips into his hand and pressed into his erection as my breath panted a staccato beat. I bit down on a grunt as his other hand pinched my nipple through the fabric of my t-shirt.

I was brought out of my lust-filled reverie by the sound of knocking.

_What the fuck?_

Edward's hands stilled as I jerked my head around, wondering where the knocking sound came from.

Opening my eyes, I saw that I was no longer in the basement, but in my bedroom.

It had been a dream. A fucking dream. God damn it!

"Hey," a voice purred from the doorway.

My head immediately snapped to the sound of the voice and I couldn't help but smile at the sight of Edward, leaning a shoulder against the door frame.

"Hey, yourself," I answered.

"Alice sent me up here to get you, but it looks as though you're not exactly in the mood to watch Criminal Minds."

_What?_

To my horror, I realized that I had my hand down the front of my shorts, barely gripping my erection.

In a flash of dejavu, I heard him ask, "Is that for me, Jazz?"

After taking a deep breath to gather my wits, I took a giant leap and answered, "Absolutely."

Biting his lip, he shoved off the door frame and entered the room, shutting the door behind him.

…..Just for the record, I was right about the scruff.

**A/N Thanks for reading!**


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